Losing my mind and my anxiety is on overdrive. My Dad wound up having to go back to the hospital post brain bleed surgery for having some intense episodes where he couldn't talk. Thankfully the MRI looked fine and the neurologist is pretty certain these are mini-seizure episodes. The fluid that is filling the area where the hematoma was is likely causing this and should resolve after a while. In the meantime he's becoming a lot more agitated and moody, likely caused somewhat by his post-op recovery. Biggest thing is that he isn't supposed to drive for six months and my brother tried to take his keys before he had to go back home (my brother and sister had to scramble to get out there again), my dad refused, and my brother basically didn't want to get in a physical altercation as we thought my dad would be responsible enough agreeing to us (NOT EVEN HIM) setting up regular transportation for him for errands and Appointments. After a week he decided he didn't want any caregivers to come over to assist with anything on a regular basis or help my mom who is in my worse physical shape. He also told us that he started driving, this was all within a week. To be clear, this isn't the doctor saying he shouldn't drive, but legally he isn't allowed to due to being diagnosed with mini-seizures. The care manager I hired, who he previously had met with and was okay with, is trying to get his church members involved so that they can hopefully pressure him to let people over a lot more frequently to help take care of my mom and give him a break, or to just let my mom stay with my brother temporarily. We're all at the point where he can honestly just go fuck himself and we're concerned about my mom's wellbeing, she has moderate cognitive impairment/dementia but it's clear she definitely doesn't want to stay with my dad right now. She really hasn't wanted to stay there for a couple of years but it's been such a difficult issue to navigate unless we we're willing to get the cops involved. Anyways, fuck Baby Boomer dads, you are the worst generation. The issues you're leaving your kids to deal with because you're such fucking snowflakes yourselves and can't handle any criticism means the rest of our lives are fucking miserable emotionally and environmentally.
Welp. My mom had a massive stroke nearly 7 years so obviously things aren’t easy. She’s having car issues and called me this morning and it apparently needs a new motor. I texted her an hour or two later and said I wanted to talk to the people at the place before she agrees to anything. She gives me some shitty response back saying she can handle it herself. I call her and she has no idea what I’m talking about. She tells me there’s nothing wrong with her car and that she’s not driving the loaner the dealership gave her. I tell her to go to her garage and look and she gets incredibly confused and didn’t know where she was (at home). Sister took her to the hospital and after she basically yelled at my sister the entire time saying there was nothing wrong with her the doctor came out and told her she has a UTI.
My grandmother went through the whole dementia/UTI deal. Something to do with body chemistry and the body prioritizing resources.
So wife got a call from her mother this evening before dinner, "We can't find your father, he's been gone for four hours." 84yo with dementia living on a 5 acre parcel in the Santa Cruz mountains. We head up there to join in the search with other family and the neighbors on their hill, wondering which way he could have wandered off to. Sheriff joins in, starts arranging for IR drones and SAR team. About 45 minutes after sunset somebody finds his mangled glasses halfway down the hillside, along with his hat and flip flops. We flood the hillside with bodies, and locate him all bloody and confused at the bottom of the hill on a vacant property next to an empty fire station under reconstruction. EMTs took him to the trauma center in San Jose for precautionary tests because they don't think the local ER can discern between a brain injury and dementia. Fun evening wheeeee
Update: Trauma center CT scan showed some brain bleeding so he'll be staying with them for a bit Checked out the steep slippery hillside he fell down last night on Google Earth, 110 foot vertical drop I tend to think that this is less a dementia issue than an old guy falls down hill issue, but the dementia is probably the reason he was in a position to fall down the hill and the reason he didn't more actively seek help once he was down there
I posted about it, but my dad had a brain bleed that needed to be drained through surgery. If that happens then don't be shocked if his behavior is even more erratic and agitated for a month or two after the procedure.
MIL just sent me a pic of him in the hospital after they cleaned him up last night and he looks like Hector after Achilles was done with him
No surgery last month, but he started falling again last week and a new CT scan showed more bleeding and pressure that required surgery. He seemed to be recovering for two days post-op, then took a turn for the worse and has been unresponsive the last two days. Docs released him to hospice today and Tuesday they will send him home to die. Yeay holidays Not a surprise, but still a shock when it happens. Feel bad for my wife and her mother
Forgive me, I can't keep track of all the shit I've dumped in here about my life. I moved my mom into memory care because I saw how my dad was doing a shitty job after like 10 years. Then he started a relationship with this old friend of his, which I told him "cool, yeah, go live life." Problem is the guy is a complete imbeccile when it comes to medical stuff. We have a somewhat flexible comfort cares plan in place for mom. End of life care is a big focus of mine professionally. But my dad gets all the calls about changes in mom's condition. Stuff like "she doesn't have the coordination to feed herself, so we're feeding her because she has an appetite," and he'll be all "why are you feeding her?" He got all upset with the care staff because he thought them doing OT was somehow a life-prolonging treatment. Every single conversation with him about my mom, I feel his expectency about her death. And, like, we're all aligned, mom would not want to prolong her life like this. But he lacks any insight with which to see how his anxiety about his retirement finances, his desire to completely move ahead with this new relationship, makes him present his eagerness for my mom to die. And dim-wittedly, his notion of end of life comfort cares is plainly neglectful and cruel. My mom's sick now today, she's delirious, don't know what's causing it. But I'm here with her guiding care decisions and every single decision my dad is anxiously cross checking me on, reminding me (because I apparently need it!) about the "delicate balance" of these care decisions. So my position right now is caring for my mom, and managing my relationship with my dad because i need his cooperation right now. But he's revealed so much of his selfishness, lack of empathy or care, that I'm going to sorta shove him off on an ice raft relationally when mom dies. Being with my mom at the end of her life is easy. Managing his worthless ass is killing me. Thanks for letting me rant gbr