Pretzel probably did the trick. Once that ball of solid pretzel dough hits your guts it’s going to slam everything that was jammed up out the other end like a fat kid on a blocked up water slide.
Garbage can after tapping the shit off of it on the inside of the toilet so there wasn’t any stinky shit on it stinking up our room
There’s more shame knowing you cut up a piece of shit like a piece of cake than just asking for a plunger imo
The real shame comes from leaving a poop fork in a trashcan in a room you share. That's really one of the grossest things I've read ITT, which is saying something
How did you obtain the fork? Did you ask your wife to pass you the fork? Did you waddle outside the bathroom to grab the knife from the hotel fridge?
Not a lot of options when your pants are off. Also not even in the top 10 grossest things I’ve done in my life. I feel no shame about this.
I waddled out of the bathroom fork was on the table from getting cheese cake last night. I initially explored the idea of using a hanger but saw the fork and felt it was a better option. My wife said “what are you doing?” Which I had to explain to her, “I have to cut my poop with something it’s to big to go down the drain.” She started laughing at me.
This thread has made me borderline retch a number of times. That dude tickled his butthole to make himself poop.
Tired: tickling your butthole with your own finger to poop Wired: tickling your butthole with a poop fork to make manageable poops
No shit on my hands. My hands didn’t get in the water. The fork was long enough. My hands stayed clean. Remarkably the fork did also, that turd cut like a soft round brownie.
Talking about weird ways to get your anus and rectum to cooperate is so much less disgusting than describing having to cut up your bm.
Wife and I went to get dessert to go tonight and as we walked up she looked at me with a wry smile and said, “should I ask them for an extra fork?”
I’ve had a colossal shit on deck for the last 4 hours. At this point I’m touching cotton. But I’ve tried to take a dump 4 times now and each time the stalls are occupied by the dudes from the office down the hall. It’s fucking insane. That whole group of dudes must spend at least 70% of the work day taking turns shitting.
At least you’re not one of us. We would have had to leave the office to shit or shit our pants. Consider yourself blessed
There’s a Target across the parking lot but it has a pretty unsavory clientele by Target standards. I don’t trust their shitters.
Attempt #5 was just aborted because the shitters are again occupied. One of those fuckers is on his second shit today. I know it because he has a hydro flask with his name on it that he leaves on the sink counter while he’s in the stall.
Between this and the guy whose coworker pisses on the building, I'm convinced many of you are carnies
We had signs on the bathroom doors (in construction - not open yet) saying the plumbing was being worked on so not to use the toilets and someone blew up one of them. So while they didn't shit their pants - that had to be a horrifying run to the bathroom (we have two port a potty's on site so I have to assume they were occupied). So this guy had to do a scramble two ways across the building before he decided he was desperate enough to break the clearly stated rule. There are like 25 people on site so he pretty much would have never lived this down in the LA construction community.
Woman I work with wasn't here when I got in this morning. Asked another coworker if she was out today. Coworker says, "She apparently had an accident on the way to work ... and not a car accident." So my 60-year-old female coworker is telling me another female coworker shit herself on the way to work this morning. "She took her computer, so I don't think she'll be back today." No, I reckon she won't.
Probably the mix of caffeine and me being behind my normal schedule by 15 minutes, but halfway through my morning walk and there's substantial pressure