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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.
Sounds like a good man
I think this belongs here
Least surprising thing ever
What part? I grew up in sc.
My wife just got back from a run.
Her: Brrrr...feels like winter is finally here.
It was 73* today and currently in the upper 50s.
“ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?!”
I was about 5 or 6 when my dad let me sit in his lap and drive. By 14 I was driving on the interstate about 30 miles when we visited grandparents.
I can remember driving in the lap around the property, but not on roads
I do remember my mother telling me she trusted me to drive more than my 15 year old sister when she got her learner permit and I was 10
I'm not alone!
She sure ran hard
Spent summers at my Grandparents in rural SC, with a lot of that time on farms. Grandpa would let me drive on his lap pretty much early as I can remember. Was allowed to drive around on the farms and close by pretty much soon as I could reach the pedals. Around there I was taught to do all sorts of things though that maybe kids shouldn't be allowed to do that early.
I drove on my dad's lap. My kids have driven on mine
are you sure you just don't hate your wife
Okoboji. "Paradise hidden in a cornfield."
i had to look something up in her email and noticed a monthly receipt from apple for disney junior appisodes. i texted her asking if it was something she was using
"oh no that was something i downloaded for [name of a special student she had last year] to play during nap time bc she won't sleep. it didn't work tho so i deleted it"
i guess she thought that would stop the charges. 14 months in a row she was charged, luckily it was only $3.24. if she didn't have 1000s of unread emails like a psychopath she probably would have noticed
Not stupid just a story
I spilled an entire bottle of some "beauty serum" shit yesterday on the bathroom counter. It was a tiny bottle with a little dropper. Figured it was expensive so I used a rubber spatula to corral it and then used the dropper to get as much back in it as possible. I was impressed that I got about 2/3 of it back. Thing is being on the bathroom counter definitely caught some rogue hairs and other particles with it. FFwd to later
"What the hell happened to my stuff" as shes inspecting the bottle
At first think oh fuck she sees the hairs and is going to throw out this expensive shit. Then realize I just didn't clean off the bottle
"Oh yeah I'm sorry accidentally knocked it over and some spilled out"
She cleaned it off and didn't say anything else besides that it was $27 and she had been waiting for awhile to buy it.
So I'm at least patting myself on the back for salvaging $18 worth of some beauty serum
Missed opportunity to tell her she's beautiful and doesn't need beauty serum
Only to have her spin it into you insulting her
Had to stop by chicken salad chick for something for business related. Asked fiancé if she wanted me to pick her up dinner from her.
“Yeah. Let me look what I want”
Been sitting in the parking lot for 15 minutes now checking my emails waiting on her.
I’d have left or made an executive decision 10 minutes ago.
She reply yet?
Yeah finally. She got the jalapeño holly.
I usually go with “I’m stopping at this place. Do you want me to grab you option A or option B?”
If I get back a “what comes on that” or “what else do they have” I’ll say she has five minutes to look at the menu and text me her order. That might sound asshole-ish, but she is a notoriously picky eater that special orders every meal. I am the exact opposite.
Related note, my MIL is like this. Have been out to eat with her probably 100 times and have never heard her simply order a menu item and leave it at that. I generally give the waiter/waitress that “I’m sorry” look because it’s never as simple as subbing a side either.
So we have our Xmas tree up, but nothing under it yet. Wife tells me that she’s thinking of buying “fake presents”. I’d never heard of such a thing. Apparently, for $30, you can get some glittery, pre-wrapped boxes for your tree. Since she told me that, I’ve been riding her like a Ferris wheel.
That website is the devil. If you buy something from there, you may or may not come across fine print that says you will be charged like $25 each month that goes to store credit and to cancel, you must call and to cancel completely, you must cancel your card and yell and throw a fit.
Oh boy. I know of a savage woman that gets a fresh and thin chicken breasts sandwich at chick films so that it's extra crispy.
She also got caught up with picmonkey last year. Those fuckers just started trying to charge us again last month a year later. It took me quite a bit of trouble to cancel that shit so not entirely blaming her
I can't attest. I wasn't invited to the wedding
Update: Go into the bathroom last night and the bottle is on the edge of the counter with the dropper clearly not screwed on, just placed in the bottle. Got her to admit that she was at least partially to blame for it getting spilled
My wife never puts lids on right. Either doesn't even attempt or loosely tightens
I thought you were.
My wife's move is to just gently rest the lid onto the threads so it's ready for a complete debacle
I cant tell you how much shit I've almost dropped grabbing it from the top because its apparently impossible to even try to close jars and bottles
Same woman is very phobic of food bad if left out too long
I’m out but just got this text from the lady.
“ So Somehow the vacuum got dog shit in it because I just vacuumed the living room and now it reeks of dog shit.”
"Somehow" she wants a new Dyson
I just bought her that three weeks ago.
I mean who vacuums over a pile of shit. I know the puppy didn’t take a shit in the canaster.
Edit: Me: I don’t see how you vacuumed over a pile of dog shit
Her: I don’t know but I’m gonna need you to look at it. K? Thanx.
Woke up from a post surgery induced nap. She’s on a tirade because of car insurance which I know nothing about. She just ate a fuck ton of melatonin to go to bed but I’m just sitting on the couch watching the bedroom to see if she comes in swinging.
You two and your melatonin
I feel like y'all need professional help with anger management. Just last week, you were in the bedroom hiding bc "that's where the guns are" and you didn't want her to get her hands on one.
And then she said a aknife under the door to send a message that she means business.
I learned to drive by racing go-karts and driving a tractor
Needless to say it surprised both my mom and I when I found out the accelerator in a car had a little more nuance to it
Professional help? Get the fuck out of there Hoss Bonaventure you shitting yourself was a message sent by your asshole to tighten things up
That happened a few years ago. The knife was her trying to see into the room.
I'm not actually sure that makes this better.
She just spent $1500 on a pink apple laptop. Told her to send it back for a silver one or else I’m gonna smut the hell out of it. I know where not to go on the internets.
Nah she bought it on her own. I had no input. I’m just not wanting a pink laptop as our new computer. Call me old fashioned
Whatever she buys, yall buy. Civil union and such.
Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on the purchase of a brand new overpriced laptop. At least she got one that has complete immunity to computer viruses.
Pimp it out with a bunch of badass stickers.