Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Tobias

    Tobias dan “the man qb1” jones fan account
    Donor
    North Carolina TarheelsAtlanta BravesCharlotte HornetsNew York GiantsManchester CityNational LeagueBarAndGrill

    vaccines are pointless in a way if you cry every time you step out of the house and will be murdered by your wife (totally normal) if you stay inside
     
    letan and Baron like this.
  2. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
    Donor

    By god that's my wife's music

    [​IMG]
     
    Anison, IV, CoastalOrange and 16 others like this.
  3. Fat Drunk & Stupid

    Fat Drunk & Stupid Barning Hard
    Donor
    Auburn TigersSeattle MarinersHouston RocketsManchester City

    Can someone fax me when this thread is fun again, TIA.
     
  4. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
    Donor
    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsMississippi Rebels

    Only since you asked for it in fax form.
     
    IV likes this.
  5. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
    Donor
    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsMississippi Rebels

    I don't really have any mind-blowing ones but we do apparently have to house like a group of her gfs this upcoming week (which I found out about around 1am-2am this morning) and our place is a shitshow - so either I'm paying for hotels or just suffering the judgment of our place not being perfect. win/win amirite

    Can't wait.
     
    Ty Webb, bigred77 and Dump like this.
  6. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
    Donor
    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsMississippi Rebels

    Also - not my wife, but my neighbor's wife I guess did some major damage to their electrical somehow trying to use a blower. That's gotta be a fun one to walk into.

    "I was trying to help"
     
    bigred77, One Two and Dump like this.
  7. ButchCassidy

    ButchCassidy Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesColumbus CrewUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamSneakers

    orgy!
     
    One Two and Baron like this.
  8. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
    Donor
    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsMississippi Rebels

    Nope - all off limits. SO again, can't wait.
     
  9. TC

    TC Peter, 53, from Toxteth
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersCarolina Hurricanes

    I am anti fax
     
  10. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
    Donor
    Florida GatorsSan Francisco GiantsGolden State WarriorsSan Francisco 49'ers

    I think only Mrs. Ethan edwards (MEE) has the ability to save us from more pages of internet randos stating the obvious to someone who obviously doesn't care.

    Help us MEE! you (and your attractive trysts) are our only hope!
     
  11. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Florida GatorsMiami DolphinsChelseaMiami Heat

    This tangent is the worst one yet
     
  12. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
    Donor
    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsMississippi Rebels

    We hit desperation mode - unless you were talking about Hoss in which case yes, that went pretty far off the rails.
     
    PAHokie and fattus like this.
  13. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    My bad
     
  14. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesMiami MarlinsMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersTiger WoodsInter Miami CFGame of ThronesMiami Heat

    My wife uses an insane amount of toilet paper. She finishes a roll practically every other day. To top it off, she NEVER puts a new roll on when she is done. Leaves one square on the roll for me. I'm at the point where I immediately turn to grab a new roll every time I walk into the bathroom to prevent myself from having to get up mid-shit.
     
    Rabid, Lip, Brocephus and 9 others like this.
  15. Dump

    Dump The Forever Chaos Agent of TMB
    Donor
    Texas AandM Aggies altTexas RangersDetroit LionsDallas StarsDallas Mavericks alt

    Having lived with 2-3 women and being the only male in the house for the majority of my life, it is insane in general for how much TP a woman goes through
     
  16. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
    Donor

     
    DistantFactor, Ty Webb and One Two like this.
  17. Fat Drunk & Stupid

    Fat Drunk & Stupid Barning Hard
    Donor
    Auburn TigersSeattle MarinersHouston RocketsManchester City

    My ex-wife did some major damage to our relationship when she used her "blower" on a co-worker.

    True story.
     
    BigReff73, letan, fetumpsh and 30 others like this.
  18. electronic

    electronic It’s satire!
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsSeattle MarinersCharlotte Hornets

    At least Hoss can take solace in the fact that the holes in masks are much smaller than bullets, so he won’t have to worry about it slipping through undetected when it kills him in front of his child.
     
    AubCabs likes this.
  19. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
    Donor

    My wife and I use different bathrooms for #babyreasons. I walked in hers the other day and saw half a roll on the floor and several empties stacked on the holder like she was building a fort with them
     
    Anison, DistantFactor, Rabid and 14 others like this.
  20. brolift

    brolift Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsDenver NuggetsKansas City ChiefsBarAndGrillBig 8 Conference

    Give your wife a bidet
     
  21. Tobias

    Tobias dan “the man qb1” jones fan account
    Donor
    North Carolina TarheelsAtlanta BravesCharlotte HornetsNew York GiantsManchester CityNational LeagueBarAndGrill

    fauci lied and people died!!!
     
    Dump, blind dog and ashy larry like this.
  22. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesMiami MarlinsMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersTiger WoodsInter Miami CFGame of ThronesMiami Heat

    we turned the bidet into a linen closet when we renovated the bathroom. MISTAKES WERE MADE
     
    Barves2125, bigred77, Dump and 5 others like this.
  23. brolift

    brolift Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsDenver NuggetsKansas City ChiefsBarAndGrillBig 8 Conference

    Oh no baby
     
  24. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    anyone's wife rear end them on the highway lately?
     
  25. ashy larry

    ashy larry from ashy to classy
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksAtlanta BravesWu-tang

    let’s keep this baby humming:

    team linen closet
     
    Baron, Cornfed Buffalo, Dump and 3 others like this.
  26. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Wouldn’t the bidet be next to the toilet? Why would you be able to turn the bidet into a different room? Did you have to go a distance to get from the toilet to the bidet?
     
  27. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb Living rent free in Jigga's head
    Donor
    Nebraska CornhuskersChicago CubsChicago BullsDetroit LionsChicago BlackhawksTiger Woods

    All great questions that deserve answers
     
    Dr. Mantis Toboggan likes this.
  28. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
    Donor

    My man just went industrial for his bidet. Sucker bigger than a pool pump
     
  29. blind dog

    blind dog wps
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsGreen Bay PackersWu-tangCoors LightPoker

    Starting a new business and incorporating it in Wyoming. My wife asked if it was bc we are Packer fans (She’s been to Green Bay before)
     
  30. CharlieKellyReturns

    CharlieKellyReturns Well-Known Member
    Oklahoma State CowboysKansas City RoyalsHouston Oilers

    I'm married and have four daughters. We're using that John Wayne shit at this point.
     
    bigred77 likes this.
  31. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta Braves

    Well?
     
  32. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus Upstanding Citizen
    Donor

    Going to Puerto Rico next week with the wifey. Love her but she is annoying af to travel with. It's like picking a restaurant for the whole trip. I have to plan the whole thing and come up with ideas of what to do but then she gets tired of only doing what I want. Yet has no ideas herself.

    We are staying @ air bnb right off the beach and I'm going to lay around, relax, maybe read and drink. I'm not planning a goddamn thing besides going to other coastal areas. If she wants to do something then she can have the keys to the rental car.
     
    CoastalOrange, Lip, Brocephus and 8 others like this.
  33. mp_22

    mp_22 Well-Known Member
    Duke Blue DevilsPhiladelphia PhilliesLos Angeles RamsPhiladelphia FlyersSouthern California Trojans

    I believe every women is like the first part of this.
     
  34. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
    Donor

    My wife decided that the best place to wrap someone’s birthday present was on the floor in the only footpath into the living room.
     
  35. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesTennessee TitansNashville Predators2pac

    The way this reads could be a 4 year difference or 17.
     
    PAHokie, ashy larry, Jigga and 4 others like this.
  36. Cornfed Buffalo

    Cornfed Buffalo No he’s not. He’s just fat and tired
    Donor
    Colorado BuffaloesDenver BroncosColorado AvalanceAntifa

    Arkansas
     
    PAHokie, Lip, LetItSoak and 5 others like this.
  37. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    7 year difference.
     
  38. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesMiami MarlinsMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersTiger WoodsInter Miami CFGame of ThronesMiami Heat

    Go to St. Thomas next time. But you've got it exactly right on what to do in PR. Maybe take a tour of the Bacardi factory. But other than that, lay by the beach and drink rum.
     
  39. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsAustin FCTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    If all you're gunna do is sit around and drink, we could have just stayed home

    :shrug:
     
    Brocephus, Henry Blake and ned's head like this.
  40. Dump

    Dump The Forever Chaos Agent of TMB
    Donor
    Texas AandM Aggies altTexas RangersDetroit LionsDallas StarsDallas Mavericks alt

  41. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
    Donor
    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsMississippi Rebels

    blind dog are you just following me around the damn country now
     
    PAHokie, Homo Erectus and blind dog like this.
  42. mal630

    mal630 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesTiger Woods

    Ordering at restaurants is getting comically bad. I almost have to look away.
     
    tylerdolphin, Hatfield and bigred77 like this.
  43. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsTexas Rangers

    That’s for the guns he knows about. By his own words, he did not even know about this gun or its location [checks notes] under the washer.

    I thought under the washer was floor. Now I have to check if there is a gun under mine.
     
    Tobias, Rabid, ARCO and 8 others like this.
  44. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Above the washer. I did know it was in the house but did not know where it was.
     
  45. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Colorado RockiesDenver NuggetsDallas CowboysColorado AvalanceBoise State Broncos

    This just doesn’t compute.
     
    Baron likes this.
  46. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    I didn’t know where it was. I don’t know where most of our shit is. I’ve posted about how everyday is like a game of hide and go seek. It’s maddening.
     
  47. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    So if you open a drawer to get something out one day and you knowingly put it back in that drawer that doesn’t mean if you open that same drawer to get that same thing out that it will be there again. The odds are it’s not in there.
     
    bigred77 and Dump like this.
  48. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    I’ve mentioned it multiple times in this thread but everyday is like a game of hide and go seek. It’s insane.
     
  49. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
    Staff Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksNew Orleans SaintsTiger WoodsBarAndGrillPoker

    I only keep one credit card and one debit card in my wallet

    I’m at a restaurant picking up a to-go order and check my wallet and both are missing

    call my wife and both are in her purse. She has her own credit and debit card but couldn’t find them so she borrowed mine and forgot to put them back.
     
  50. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
    Staff Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksNew Orleans SaintsTiger WoodsBarAndGrillPoker

    Why didn’t you run this by me we are supposed to be business partners
     
    PAHokie, Tobias, One Two and 3 others like this.