Dad jokes

I just got hospitalized for a peekaboo accident. They put me in the I-C-U

 

It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar. But, it’s a 45 minute walk from the bar back home. The difference is staggering.

 

Dolphins are the only other mammals that have sex for enjoyment. You have no idea how many other animals I had to try first to figure that out.

 

You ever hear of Engagement, Ohio? It’s between Dayton and Marion.

 

A woman sits a her husband’s funeral. She’s completely distraught.

A friend of her husband comes up to her and says, “do you mind if I say a word?”

“Go right ahead,” she replied.

The man clears his throat and says “Plethora”

“Thanks,” the woman says. “That means a lot.”

 

2 deer go into a gay bar. Afterwards, when they’re walking home, one deer says to the other, “I can’t believe I blew 50 bucks in there.”