Vasectomy Thread

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by CUAngler, Feb 24, 2021.

  1. CUAngler

    CUAngler Royale with Cheese
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    Tell me stories of how bad this is going to be. I have mine schedule for tomorrow.
     
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  2. Lawnole23

    Lawnole23 FSU Seminoles 2020 National Champions
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    Mine wasn't that bad took 10-15 minutes.

    My dad described it as think of your vas deferens as a guitar string and someone just tightens the string really fucking tight really fast. That's what it feels like.

    Afterwards, take it easy. Buy compression underwear to keep your balls in place. I took my dog on a walk the next day with regular boxer briefs on and paid for it later.
     
  3. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    Should have scheduled it for the first couple days of March madness
     
  4. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    I had a no needle no scalpel vasectomy 10 years ago. They gave me valium before, did not hurt one bit (you do feel a tugging sensation). The no needle air thing they numb your balls with makes them swell up. So naturally afterward I took a pic and texted my friends. After they gave me a bottle of hydrocodone which I did not need but took anyway
     
  5. Randy Bobandi

    Randy Bobandi Well-Known Member
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    I’m shooting blanks and checking in. Took about a week to feel totally normal. Could be the doc had a small target to aim for.
     
  6. It'sAlwaysSunnyInAthens

    It'sAlwaysSunnyInAthens Well-Known Member
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    Have a buddy that had to get it twice. They cut the wrong wire the first time.
     
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  7. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    What I will end up doing eventually
     
  8. Celemo

    Celemo Meatball's Dad
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    that first nut after the procedure is a doozy
     
  9. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    The marcaine didn't work on me, so I felt it from my toes to my shoulderblades
     
  10. CUAngler

    CUAngler Royale with Cheese
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    i am concerned about not tinkering around the house and yard.

    We have a nanny for our two year old and I’m going to have to hide in the bedroom Thursday/Friday so I don’t have to ice my balls in front of her.
     
  11. CUAngler

    CUAngler Royale with Cheese
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    I had it set up last year for March madness and then covid hit. Had a busy fall and this was my first chance and didn’t want to wait longer than I had to. I can’t do another kid.
     
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  12. Lyrtch

    Lyrtch My second favorite meat is hamburger
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    board so old
     
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  13. DUCKMOUTH

    DUCKMOUTH People don’t you know, don’t you know
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    Took like 5 minutes and was nothing. Only regret I have was plying golf like a week later. Was sore as hell in my nut sack the next day
     
  14. ShuPoor

    ShuPoor Listen to John Hinckley on Spotify
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    I felt a sharp tug and the urologist laughed "that one didn't want to go back in" at one point.

    It's not the most enjoyable 20 minutes (especially if you forget to fill your valium prescription), but recovery is cake. I felt completely normal again within a couple days, although i milked it for an entire week.
     
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  15. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    My brother scheduled his like a week after his second kid and didn't tell his wife. Well she knew he went to a consultation or whatever but didn't know he actually scheduled one til the day of. She wasn't too thrilled cause I don't know that they fully discussed it.
     
  16. Butthead

    Butthead uh hu hu hu

    Apparently it's a thing to schedule it so you can watch the ncaa tournament while recovering
     
  17. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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    As a 35-year old father of three kids, this may be really dumb, but I can still cum after a V-word, right? It's just swimmerless-cum, correct?
     
  18. DUCKMOUTH

    DUCKMOUTH People don’t you know, don’t you know
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    Correct
     
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  19. Lawnole23

    Lawnole23 FSU Seminoles 2020 National Champions
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    Correct.
     
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  20. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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  21. Lawnole23

    Lawnole23 FSU Seminoles 2020 National Champions
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    I got an occasional jolt of electricity like feeling every once in awhile for a couple of months but it goes away. Also you have to clear the tubes afterwards so free reign to jerk off as much as you want for a couple of weeks.
     
  22. DUCKMOUTH

    DUCKMOUTH People don’t you know, don’t you know
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    I get people are nervous about their junk, but shits a breeze. I didn’t get offered Valium
     
  23. Z

    Z Well-Known Member
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    Relatively painless, more uncomfortable due to the pressure.

    I took 1 pain pill immediately after, and that was it.
     
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  24. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    I like your style
     
  25. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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    Another probably dumb question- does the cum release feel any different post v-word?
     
  26. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Do tell.
     
  27. ShuPoor

    ShuPoor Listen to John Hinckley on Spotify
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    No
     
  28. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    :bananallama:
     
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  29. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    I think I used three of the 30 vicodins they prescribed for me afterward, but the general soreness was alleviated with Advil. Procedure itself was excruciating

    OP, you'll probably feel up to doing stuff after 2-3 days. Resist the urge. Take a full five days off.
     
  30. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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  31. DrTomOsbourne

    DrTomOsbourne Fully Husked
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    Scared to do this after my next kid because I don't want the nurses to laugh at my small dong
     
  32. Celemo

    Celemo Meatball's Dad
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    you don't know the origin story to my easter egg?

    :celemo:
     
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  33. AbeFroman

    AbeFroman You touch me, I yell RAT!

    I did mine a few years ago. Show up to the appointment toward the end of the day. Nurse takes vitals and then tells me to take off pants and underwear and lay in the table for the doc. Then, she just stands there. A little weird I think. So, drop the pants and pause to look up as she's watching.

    Her: "The underwear too"

    Me: "lady, if you want the full show, I'll have to charge you the full price"

    (She leaves the room)

    Doc comes in wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Numbs up my scrotum while bullshitting. A few minutes in I feel a pinch and jump.

    "Oh you can feel that?" (Shoots more of what I assume is lidocaine into the area)

    A few minutes later I feel another pinch and jump. He reaches for the syringe again.

    Me: "Do you save some of that vial for the next patient?"

    Him: "No"

    Me: "well, let's go heavy on that, I'm a huge pussy when it comes to genital pain"

    Best part of the after (besides not making another kid) was the hydrocodone.

    Worst part was going down the stairs.
     
  34. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    I do not.
     
  35. ShuPoor

    ShuPoor Listen to John Hinckley on Spotify
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    They could not be more bored by the sight of dongs
     
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  36. Kent Pavelka

    Kent Pavelka Let's pause 10 seconds for station identification
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    Was a pleasant experience. Valium is awesome.

    I worked the next day, no problem.

    I rode my bike a day or two too soon. I was nervous about damaging the stitches.

    worst part for me was I was surprised I stil needed to rubber up for 12 weeks after it before I could confirm to was shooting blanks.
     
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  37. Kent Pavelka

    Kent Pavelka Let's pause 10 seconds for station identification
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    Oh yeah and don’t forget to shave your balls. My consult was last feb but I didn’t get the procedure until Sept so I forgot that detail. I was embarrassed that the nurse needed to shave that scrote.
     
  38. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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    Ugh. I haven't worn a condom in like 9 years. Not looking forward to that.
     
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  39. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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    Been keeping them clean for decades.
     
  40. Lawnole23

    Lawnole23 FSU Seminoles 2020 National Champions
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    No. Everything is the same outside of sperm does not make it to the fluid.
     
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  41. Lawnole23

    Lawnole23 FSU Seminoles 2020 National Champions
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    My wife is a derm. As she said you know what women don't like looking at a man's penis especially at work.
     
  42. BuckeyeRiot

    BuckeyeRiot Team Nicki
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    Enjoy your new vaginas ladies.
     
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  43. Lawnole23

    Lawnole23 FSU Seminoles 2020 National Champions
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    Did you order the sperm test?
     
  44. Celemo

    Celemo Meatball's Dad
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    post procedure my doctor gave me a time table list...like don't lift more than 5 lbs. for 3 days and Don't have sex for 7 days and so on. The no-sex thing was easy for like 4 or so days because of the state of my balls and on night 5 it was like a flip was switched and I needed to nut. I did some FJ research and there was no definitive timetable for when you can safely have sex but universally every site said leave your balls alone. Wife was asleep so I decided to menage a moi. Things are going great until I start feeling this insane pressure building up but I'm past the point of stopping. It was a total pleasure/pain thing going on. At this point, it is prudent to mention that back then I used to shoot my load into some form of disposable cup...Dixie, Solo, whatevs. Anyways long story short, I ejaculated so hard that the cup I was holding shot out of my hand. Told that story here and understandably got laughed at. Hence the Solo cup easter egg
     
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  45. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    :roll:
     
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  46. Vince Benedict

    Vince Benedict Well-Known Member

    :awesomeface:
     
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  47. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    They gave you 30 fucking vicodin after a vasectomy?
     
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  48. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye P.G.I.T
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    P sure this is a story Todd Bonzales would appreciate
     
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  49. Celemo

    Celemo Meatball's Dad
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    the funniest thing was when I originally posted the story I dropped in the line about the solo cup all innocuous like and that was the one thing everyone locked in on.
     
  50. Bruce Wayne

    Bruce Wayne Billionaire Playboy
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    Not to brag but my wife got her tubes removed after our second was born, so I don't have to get it done now