What was your biggest fumble?

Wasn't buff ruffneck an unapologetic rapist?

 

More than a few iirc

 

Hopefully he’s dead from his “cancer.”

 

Kent Pavelka had a threesome in 2007 he keeps telling me about despite my protests

 

I don't WANT to give you more credit but in my mind that's a threesome

 

Trying to picture the thought process of her husband. "You can suck another guys dick and do anal with other guys, but nothing in the pussy please."

To each their own of course but what a weird place to draw the line.

 

No pile driver in the vestibule?

 

I think doc thom is more of a peoples elbow kind of fella

 

Story 3 of mine in this thread. I told y’all I fumble more than Don Billingsly

We had a bad snowstorm at the hospital i worked at and a lot of people stuck sleeping there. A cute nurse who I knew prior to working there told me I could stay at her house there in town instead of driving 15 miles back home. I informed her I just got new tires so I’m in tip-top shape but thanks.

I didn’t think anything about it until a friend who witnessed this told me I might be autistic. I think he was right.

 

God damn

 

My biggest fumble:

A rich friend of a friend in college had a black 1991 (E30) BMW M3 with a swapped S54 engine and transmission, it was fucking mint and beautiful. He had both the original engine/trans and easily had $30k worth of extras on it. Its was my "realistic" dream car.

Anyway, he got a new BMW and wanted to sell his E30 M3, he knew I loved it and asked if I wanted to buy it. He would take $15k for it (this was 2009). I told him no because I was saving to go to Europe with friends for a month post graduation. He ended up selling the car for $25k and my Europe trip fell through.

That car is easily worth upwards of $90k now and are pretty rare to see for sale in general

I kick myself all the time for that decision.

 

Legitimately lol’d

 

I’m stuck with me for the rest of my life. I hate it here

 

Went down to visit my buddy at the U of I our freshman year for a few days. His roomate had gone home for the weekend so the plan was for me to just crash in his roomate's bed. Got down there and we do our thing and go out and have a good time. I was good and bombed by the time we decide to go back to his dorm and crash. Well pussy remains undefeated and unbeknownst to me my buddy decides to leave and meet up with his gf to get laid. Me on the other hand wass passed the fuck out.

As im sleeping, some chick crawls into the bed im sleeping in and starts rubbing my cock. This of course startles me and I wake up and im like wtf. Turns out, my buddys roommate had a fuck buddy that didnt know he was out of town and she came over to get laid. She was absolutlely plastered and horny as hell. She realized i was not the roomate and stopped, looked at me and said, you'll do. I stupidly declined. I was young and dumb as this chick was better looking than any chick i had banged previously.

 

I call it my inexplicable fuckfest. Woke up in Lincoln with a scratched cornea and drove back to Minneapolis holding one eye closed. Didn’t matter, banged two babes

 

It has been decreed that you have to change your name to “YoullDo”

 

"Cool. Tires. Got it."

 

It’s too bad no one married the girl they wrestled. She could’ve walked down the aisle to Stone Cold’s intro

 

When in HS, there was a girl on the team. I had a thing for her. She and a friend were back at my house after school one day and she tells me she had to bring a friend because to make sure I “Didn’t rape her, but in a good way”. Ask wtf that means and she says “It’s where you force it but I like it” and I did have time alone with her but nothing happened between us.

I was never sure if that was a fumble, if so, seems for the best

 

I, for one, think you’re in tip-top shape.

 

Girl after date three with some yall

 

I'd chalk that to the opposite of a fumble and say it was a potential disaster averted.

 

I think it's more likely he just lied about it on the Internet to be cool which is even sadder.

 

Oh, I could start for the huskers with how easily I can fumble. 2 easy ones:

Biggest HS crush and forever friendzone partner. Went to different colleges but only like an hour away. Stayed at each others places all the time, slept in the same bed, went on “dates”, she always stopped my advances. After a movie date one night in the spring she says “it’s so nice out, I wish we could go swimming.” Just so happens I’m a dirtball and know of a perfect secluded swimming hole by this old covered bridge in the middle of nowhere. Up to this point I’m batting 1.000 with this move. “Do you have a suit with you?” ‘No, just we can swim in our underwear can’t we?’. Get there and hike to the place in the moonlight, start undressing and I tell her “hey, I don’t have any underwear, do you care if I skinny dip?” She’s cool. I tease that she’s a wimp not being able to skinny dip as well, she takes off her undies, waters freezing so we’re all wrapped up with each other and doing the things boys and girls do before they bone. Water was so cold so we get out after 10 minutes and she suggested “can we walk back to the car before we get dressed?” Sweet, still going to bat 1.000. Car within view she suggests “let’s drive back without getting dressed.” I’m so fucking smug rn. 5 minutes into the ride she starts touching my thigh, she keeps peaking over and can see I’m hard as can be….15 minutes later, still touching thigh…..30 minutes later, still touching thigh, hour later pulling into her place, “thank you so much that was so fun” gives a hug and kiss on the cheek and runs into her place still completely naked. wtf man!!!!!!! Driving back home and I nearly drive off a bridge realizing she was just waiting for me to touch her thigh back. Stupid young naive dirt.

Next summer we were counselors at a camp at the ozarks. Stayed one weekend with another couple and we’re watching movies in the cabin. Getting handsy and I finger her, she asks to go back to the bunks. After making out for a minute “I’m so tired, let’s wait and do it in the morning.” Next morning she’s no longer in bed, I find her and “I thought about it and don’t want to damage our friendship.” Completely cut ties 2 weeks later once camp was over. I should get reparations for the amount of blue balls that girl gave me.

Second one..A girl I had a fling with and her equally attractive roommate would constantly joke about 3 ways. We go to a Xmas party and they both tell me they decided tonight’s the night for my Xmas present. Best party of my life, I’m on cloud 9 the whole time. Felt like I was rolling E with the endorphins flowing through me, so excited. Get back to their place and roommate needs to go call her boyfriend really quick and will “be ready in 5 minutes”. We wait 5, we wait 10, we wait 15, she must of fallen asleep or changed her mind so we just hook up like normal. An ENTIRE hour later roommate walks in and she’s stunning. This girl wasted an hour without telling us by showering, redoing her hair/makeup and doing the whole heels/stockings/lingerie number. Well she walks in and goes fucking ballistic that we had sex without her. I’m begging and pleading “it’s ok, trust me we can do it again right now.” Nope, dumb 20 something females can’t listen to logic. They are just screaming their heads off at each other and I got myself out of there with a quickness. That one will always sting, if she only told us to watch TV or something because she needed some time…..

 

I know fully understand why the huskers have such a propensity for blowing football games at the last minute. It's not a bug, folks

 

Then you would have let her win

 

Pretty confident this was Pearl

 

it was in the anonymous confessions thread with the guy in the rich throuple that got the husband to suck his dick

 

Date? I thought she just wanted drinks and a nice dinner. Huh.

 

Dennis, you were never the personal sexual adviser to Jon Bon Jovi

 

So my entire timeline is just peppered with fumbles. It gets to a point where I’m just thankful it’s a good story to tell because there’s…like…nothing else.

Out of college I started working as a bartender at a pool bar in Disney property back in the late 1900’s. Great gig when the weather was good. Had a family from Wisconsin come out, husband and wife, couple of kids. The wife was STUNNING. I could paint a picture of her right now because I have replayed this story in my head dozens of times.

Coming up to the bar closing around 6:00 pm the wife shows up and sits at the bar. She’s wearing a tight white mini skirt, all done up…mother of god she was hot. She starts asking me questions about what I do after work and I’m pretty much a moron…I don’t read into it the way most guys not attached to TMB would. I tell her I just go home.

“Do you ever fraternize with the guests?” I still don’t catch on.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Like if I asked you to come back up to my room.” Instantly I had a rush of adrenaline. Holy shit. This is a thing. I’ve never…I just…holy shit. So the first thing that comes out of my mouth is

“But you have a ring on your finger.”
“That’s okay,” she said, “My husband and the kids won’t be back from the park until 12.”

Now I have no excuse. She’s spectacular. This is every fantasy I’ve ever had right here drinking a Malibu and pineapple. “I don’t know. I could lose my job if I get caught.”

And she came back with the line that went on to conclude a thousand future masturbatory experiences:
“I’ll put the latch on the door. We’re just gonna fuck, it’ll be fun.”

Now I should tell you…my girlfriend was home…and I THOUGHT about it…I even called to see what she was doing before I responded to the woman. She was making me dinner.

I went home. But Jesus Christ…if you could’ve SEEN this woman.

I did placate myself by assuming I was being set up with the husband waiting or filming in the closet, ready to jump out all the while finishing his wife at my expense as I run down the beach struggling to get my pants on.

That’s a true story fellas. I got a lot of this shit.

 

girl in hs wanted me to come over to watch the office one thursday night. this was about a week after she got me box tickets to the ACC tournament to watch unc even tho she was a state fan

in retrospect that was a missed opportunity

 

Not entirely, at least you didn't have to watch The Office

 

I definitely had girls over to watch music concert dvds in college
Didn’t always realize they didn’t actually like AC/DC , RHCP Slane castle , Blind Melon and whatever else I was into